stereotypical, three-dimensional
D:
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I basically fail when it comes to finishing my goddamn college applications.
I NEED TO DO IT.
It’s not that difficult! I promise to myself to get it done before Monday. 
cigarettes and adderall.
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My new dream diet. Haha. If only it wasn’t so expensive.
I have not posted anything in AGES. Wow.
My hair is black now.
And I’m pissed as hell.
I don’t care for my friends again.
And college applications are freaking me the fuck out. I don’t even know what to do.
I don’t think I bring diversity to a school, I bring myself. I’m just average.
I’m just me, doing what I can, being lazy or annoyed or whatever the fuck else other average people do.
I can’t sell myself.
it wasn’t that he hadn’t noticed her before.
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Wow, I haven’t written in a long while.
But when I was at my grandparents’, I didn’t want this website to go into the web history thing.
Anyway, I am at my cousins’ now and my vacation is great.
I really really love being back home, where I’m from.
Although I do feel slightly out of place, I feel more at home here than I ever will back in America.
I love being at home.
And to be quite honest, I will totally cry when I have to leave.
I never chose to move to America.
I don’t miss any of my friends.
The only person there that I would miss, I talk only through internet anyway.
It’s just weird thinking that the people who live here don’t appreciate how great this country is.
Of course, there is a corrupt government and a recession here a well, and the clothes are ridiculously expensive, and I couldn’t find shoes for myself ANYWHERE, but these things are what I grew up with and I just can’t let it go.
I love this place so much.
America is not my home. It’s just where I live.
I promise to myself to come back here when I’m older and to buy a house and to vacation often.
Even one of my best friends said that I seem much happier here.
Tags: family, friends, happiness, happy, home, immigration, life, travel, vacation
i say it every time.
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I hate that my life feels so out of control.
Time for myself to take the lead.
I am in charge.
My decisions are the ones that matter.
And it’s time to change.
For real.
No more fucking slacking.
I’m going to get my shit together.
waiting for my wake-up call.
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So wow… Yesterday, I hung out with a bunch of kids,
and I don’t know why, but I started drinking.
Now, I may be into cigarettes, and I’ll smoke weed every now and then,
but I RARELY ever drink.
Why?
1. I am usually the driver.
2. My dad is an alcoholic and I hate it.
So, I don’t know what got into me, but once I started, I couldn’t stop.
It was all fine and fun, until my friend Peter threw the cap of a bottle of silly string at me.
I became overly angered.
I walked to Gina’s house and then back, and once we arrived back,
I started bawling.
Looking back… I don’t know why.
I was just frustrated with everything and it all just came pouring out.
I don’t remember most of it,
because I started gulping down the last of everything we had as I was sitting on Gina’s staircase.
I know I hurt my friends’ feelings. Maybe.
I pissed them of, that’s a given, but I meant most of what I said.
I told all of them that they’re fake friends and they don’t care about me and that I’m going to kill myself, apparently.
I don’t remember saying anything about suicide,
but many days I do feel used as a friend.
I don’t know.
There’s less than a week left until I go to Lithuania and I am beyond pumped.
And when I come back, they will have either forgotten about what I said or forgotten about me altogether, so this isn’t that huge of a problem, I suppose.
Hm.
Alcohol sucks.
Tags: alochol, cigarettes, drunk, drunk words are sober thoughts, feelings, friends, life, teen, travel
put your hands in the air.
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I think I’m learning about happiness.
And I’m definitely on my way there.
I’ve even started saying affirmations to myself.
I just really want to be HAPPY.
Also, happy 4th of July. 
this problem’s gonna last.
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I really hate posting more than once a day, but I just need to get this out.
I feel so unwanted.
Everywhere I go.
My family hates me.
My friends don’t give a shit about me.
And that’s all I have, I guess.
But I know that if I didn’t have a car, I wouldn’t have a single friend.
Because no one ever makes the trip out for me.
Ever.
It’s always me making the effort.
And goddamn I really hate myself and my life and everyone in it.
you heard that I was trouble.
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Ugh. I don’t even know what the last thing I’ve said is,
but everything feels the same.
I am really happy to be friends with Peter and Katie,
but I just want to be DIFFERENT.
And I can’t wait to get away from this country for a month.
I pray that my vacation will be everything I want and need.
I miss my childhood.
And hopefully I can lose some weight.
I’m so sick of being fat.
Today I find myself…
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back where I was.
Disappointed.
Sad.
Lonely.
Wanting to run away again.
Looking for happiness.
Where did it all go?
Tags: disappointment, life, lonely, reflection, run away, sad, searching, teenage
I know that I need you.
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Today I finally got going on cleaning my room.
It’s starting to look amazing, not going to lie.
I haven’t really left the house since I decided to take the break from my friends until today, but that doesn’t upset me, really.
My sister and I went to the library today and picked up some books.
So excited to read them!
And I’ve come up with plans and ways of getting my life back together and keeping it that way.
I also applied at GAP today, and finished my application where Maura works.
Hopefully someone will call me.
I also need to drop off applications at Zumiez and the library.
When I first set out to find a job at 16, I applied at the library and they called me, but I took the Jewel position instead.
What a bad choice, right?
Well, anyway, I’m going to get back to cleaning!
